r more specifically, what does a person gain from owning a member of Felis Catus, or domestic cats? One must remember that owning such creatures, or any creature for that matter, is an investment, one for only the most prim and proper of gentlemen/women. Remember, though, that an investment is also a resource, and a good rule of business is to “know your own resources.” Yes, the domesticated feline is a resource, and you must know it fully to maximize both its and your own potential. That is why I am here, to explain your resource, and thus further your own agenda, health, or various business ventures.
1. Defining the “Ailurophile”
This is most definitely a fantastic method for beginning a conversation. When the inevitable question pertaining to “What do you do?” arises, simply mention your greatest resource by proclaiming that you are an ailurophile. The most worthy and network-sensitive will understand completely, and you will have instantly gained a contact. Those who do not initially understand more than likely are not worthy should be disregarded in favor of better contacts.
An ailurophile, for the lower classed among us, are feline connoisseurs, “cat lovers” in laymen’s terms.
Imagine an employer looking on your resume, only to see your status as an “Expert Ailurophile.” It will save the time of the employer, as they will know to hire the applicant immediately without reading much else, and you will not need to indulge in referencing all of your other, obvious achievements. I can say this with confidence, as only a true ailurophile will have a multitude of accomplishments and reputable credentials, something that many an employer will pick up on instantly.
It was even believed in Greek mythology that the great Zeus himself cheated on his wife Hera with the mother of Hercules, Princess Alcemene. One of her servants, Galinthias, tricked Hera, allowing Hercules (or Heracles, whichever sounds cooler) to be born. Hera, in her rage-induced and logical state of mind, turned her anger towards the cheat-ee, rather than the cheater Zeus, and turned Galinthias into a kitty, banished her to the underworld, thus forcing her to become a priestess of Hecate, the goddess of death. It is for this reason more than a few (unknowingly racist) folks will claim that melanin heavy (or black, if one wishes to be less erudite) felines to be omens of death and bad luck.
Do not listen to these people, for they know not what they speak.
2. Purring is Good for Health
Unfortunately, much like stocks, cats too have a tendency to drop when paid little attention or thought. Particularly from places of great height (heights naturally attained from their upper-class status), such as high rises, resulting in High-rise Syndrome. Fortunately, felines have built-in pre-emptive measures against such incidents, including their unique ability to tell up from down and a “righting reflex,” which includes an ability to twist and reorient themselves midair in order to land fortuitously and gracefully.
Despite this, cats are not perfect, and do require medical attention from time to time, in case of the rare misstep. Interestingly enough, cats have another “built-in” response to injury; the ability to heal and even increase bone density via “purring.” It has been discovered that low-level frequencies actually help increase bone density, and that a cat’s purr falls right within the range of timbre to apply this effect; approximately 24-140 hertz.
The next time you’re feeling down or sickly, try sleeping with a cat, or preferably, multiple cats, thus multiplying the effects of such treatment. Possessing a creature that is also an efficient source of physical therapy can save you quite a bit of money. Please make the most of it.
3. Cats are Royalty, and so are You
Another dichotomy to consider is that while dogs have, for the most part, always been merely humanity’s hunters, and thereby tools, cats have always been signs of royalty and status, much like ornaments. Even one of the oldest dog breeds, the Pekingese, which was also once considered royalty in ancient China, with even their breed name meaning “Lion-Dog,” an obvious derivative of a powerful species of feline.
In ancient Egypt, cats were considered divine, demi-gods even, and most humans were not considered capable of owning them. This of course aided the ancient pharaohs in their campaign to appear as divine and deserving of their high positions of power and status as possible. I suppose there are worse ways to convince the masses to work themselves to death in order to build giant sand triangles and sand tombs in one’s honor.
The environment, and consequently the things people surround themselves with; play a much larger role than most would like to admit. See: Broken Window Theory. With this in mind, why not surround yourself with greatness? Kitty cat greatness?
4. Cats Rule the Internet
This one may perhaps be the most obvious, but it requires explaining as well. This facet is in fact so monolithic in its size and significance that many overlook it. This is obviously part of their plan, a way of maintaining their power in a somewhat gentle and even sophisticated manner.
If one can look beyond the surface comedy and aspects, great potential can be realized. In this new “wild-wild-west,” a fresh paradigm has been established. Anyone who is anyone knows that for business to succeed, it must to some degree be involved online, if not entirely. Do not think that it is mere coincidence that the almighty feline has taken a powerful hold of this new outlet for business. In order for your business to succeed, particularly online, it must incorporate cats. Whether it is through merchandise, adorable paraphernalia, deviously “cute” YouTube videos, “cheezburgers,” it does not matter. There is no better method.
One must not be so foolhardy as to bite the paw that feeds it. Instead, embrace it, and its mighty claws will be yours for carving out a decisive path into the world of business, financial freedom, and more.